Apologies to Marriott

So when I travel for my 4 months of the year I stay the majority of the time in a Marriott Courtyard up in Washington. My coworkers know that I have been absolutely ROASTING this hotel all summer long mostly because they lost a couple important items of mine.

Back in May during one of my first stretches of staying, I left my set of P90X DVDs at the hotel. I called back as soon as I realized they were gone and asked if they turned up in the lost and found. Of course, they didn't. I would have expected a phone charger or computer cable of course but once something of actual value (these DVD's cost about $150) it mysteriously "was not found' by the cleaning people. I have been so upset about it all summer I have constantly bad mouthed Marriott.

Then, on my second to last week of staying in October I left my set of retainers that I wear at night while I sleep (value of $200 or so). This time I was gone for all of 2 nights before I came back to check in. I promptly asked for them and of course they didn't find them. I figured in this case, while they were valuable items, the cleaning people probably just saw a plastic case and threw it away. Nevertheless, I was even more infuriated as this was the second valuable item lost this year.

Yes, some of this is my own fault; I can't be forgetting things in my hotel room. I could've sworn in both cases I hadn't. Especially in the case of the retainers; once I had lost the DVD's I did a 3-times over clean sweep of my room every time I checked out. But alas, they were both gone forever. (You already know where this is going, right?)

So on Sunday night I go to put my "Sunday nap" blanket back under the bed and it gets jammed and won't go in all the way. I have to get down to see what it is. There is an old shoe box deep under the bed that has stopped the blanket. I grab the shoe box to pull it out and can feel that it has stuff inside of it. "What did I ever put in a shoe box under the bed?" I pull it out and open it and to my astonishment my DVD's are sitting in the box! Buried in the box are various other items that no doubt Cannon had gathered up and stored in this little treasure chest. The DVDs had endured their 5-month burial in prime condition. I took them out and flashed them to Rachel; she too was surprised and we both started chiding Cannon for losing our things!

I immediately knew that if the DVDs were home, so were my retainers. "Where are my retainers!" I started screaming at him. I asked him that same question over and over the rest of Sunday night and as soon as I got home yesterday. He must have got the message; Rachel walked in his room after I had been home for about an hour last night and my retainers, with my little case, were sitting on the floor in the middle of his bedroom. He must have fished them out from his secret hiding spot and left them there for mom and dad to find.

Dang kids. I can't believe it. I was literally on the verge of writing Marriott a letter berating them for their poor service because it was on my mind so often. I guess now I should write them a letter of apology.

The Ultimate Cheapskate!

Am I the Ultimate Cheapskate? I'm confident my wife and other family members would confirm that "yes" I am the ultimate cheapskate according to them. In fact, I would bet most people that know me would feel comfortable labeling me the cheapest person they know. I don't know whether to be proud of that or not.

On my drive up to Washington last week I listened to a book on CD "The Ultimate Cheapskate's Roadmap to True Riches" by Jeff Yeager, dubbed "The Ultimate Cheapskate" by Matt Lauer on the Today Show. I guess he appears on the show all the time to offer his "cheapskate-isms". Obviously I have some inclination of "cheapness" if I'm even picking this up to listen to it in the first place.

So what makes me a cheapskate? The fact that I drive a '99 Civic that has Sharpie scribbled all over the car (thanks to my sweet son!)? It's got 185K miles on it and I hope to eventually hit 300K! Is it the fact that I don't spend a ton of money on clothes? I am admittedly a poor dresser who even after 2 years of working in a business environment is uncomfortable all day every day in business clothes and can't wait to get into a t-shirt and jeans the second I can. That will definitely be a consideration for future jobs. Is it the fact that I save up to purchase things with cash, do research on the product to find out what a true competitive price is, and wait it out until it goes on sale to get it? Nothing (and literally I mean nothing) makes me laugh harder in life than people telling me they got a "deal" on whatever it is they purchased. 99.9% of the time I know they got the same "deal" that every other schmuck in the world could get. Usually it's because they "knew a guy" or something like that. I first noticed it back in the early post-mission days when the whole world was getting engaged (this is primarily BYU students I was dealing with). When asking a dude about a ring, it was "I got a sweet hookup because I knew a guy". Nobody ever responds "I got totally raped on the deal". This sense of "getting a deal" has proliferated amongst any and every purchase possible from a whole slew of people. The sense of getting a "deal" usually results in people making stupid purchases for things they either don't need or are far out of their price range for what they are looking for but they buy it anyways. Is that what makes me a cheapskate? (Yes, indeed that was quite a rant).

Well folks, upon reading above said cheapskate book, I am here to proclaim that it could be MUCH, MUCH WORSE! Allow me to identify some items that make me a non-cheapskate! I own and use a cell-phone, something abhorred by a true "Ultimate Cheapskate"; I pay for TV services (currently Direct TV, which completely sucks by the way and I will be cancelling the DAY my contract is up to turn promptly back to Comcast and never go back, but that's another story); I go on vacations without staying in Hostels. An entire chapter is dedicated to traveling cheap, which I realized I do not do. While I would consider a stay in a Hostel for the experience I have already received confirmation from my wife that it is not an option. I don't buy food on the "less than $1 per pound" method although I do think it's ingenious and may try it out sometime. In fact, I spend quite a lot of money at restaurants, something I enjoy doing with my wife, and something definitely not cheapskate-style.

One thing I did like that may make me a cheapskate is the approach to life of setting a certain goal of income to live on and being comfortable with. Now, the real "Ultimate Cheapskate"'s life goal was to make $40K a year and he'd be comfortable, and is comfortable, with that amount the rest of his life. While my goal is slightly higher, I do think it's wise to learn to live within your means and set a reasonable, achievable "target" income level at which you could live comfortably for the rest of your life. All increases beyond that point would lead to increased investing, savings, etc. The Ultimate Cheapskate points out, and I agree, that too often people increase their expenses dollar-for-dollar, or even beyond, when they experience increases in their income. "I just got a raise! That means I should spend ALL the extra money on a bigger house, car, toy, etc.!" Not the case for Mr. Ball, even if it is to the aversion of Mrs. Ball.

So what is the truth? Well, I may be the cheapest person you know, but thanks to reading this book, and even though I don't know Jeff Yeager personally, I can feel confident saying I'm not the cheapest person I know. And that's good enough for me!

The Lesson of Mexico

So we went on a sweet cruise a week ago with a couple of friends. Relaxing week. Enjoyed copious amounts of food and sleep (Ok, I enjoy copious amounts of food all the time anyways, but sleep is usually harder to come by). Got a touch of sunshine, and just enjoyed being away from it all for a week.

I've been to Mexico a couple different times but I've never been deep into Mexico. This cruise took us to Cabo San Lucas, Mazatlan, and Puerto Vallarta. I anticipated being able to bargain with the locals for cheap trinkets and I was correct; at all three stops there was plenty of opportunity to waste your money on cheap crap; however, I did anticipate purchasing a fake Rolex watch.

My dad bought a fake Rolex for $30 back in '91 or so. He bragged about it all the time and loved it; so I of course thought to myself how I would buy my own fake Rolex on the cheap and think it was so great. I took plenty of cash to shell out whatever was the negotiated price. I figured there had to be some inflation to take into account since his purchase was nearly 20 years ago.

I get into Cabo San Lucas (our first stop) and nobody has any watches. I finally ask somebody about it and he pulls out a huge box from underneath his table like I'm asking for drugs or something. His asking price? $150. The watch he showed me looked sweet. The one I liked the most was a red Rolex with a Coca-cola symbol on it too. But $150 was way out of my range. I was thinking the starting point was going to be around $80-100. I didn't even bother bargaining with him. On the way back to the boat, though, I discussed with my friend and was confident that if I flashed him $80 cash he would give in. Still, I can get a decent, American guaranteed watch for $80. I didn't go back.

Fast forward to Mazatlan (stop number 2). Right off the boat there is a huge Mexican market and I find a table with plenty of watches to choose from. Her initial asking price? $75! What a deal! I almost shelled out $80 yesterday in hopes of negotiating him down from $150 but this girl is STARTING at half of yesterday's price! I talk her down to $55. In my mind I'm thinking 2 things: 1) No matter what I'm getting a screaming deal compared to what I was looking at yesterday, 2) $55 today has to compare favorably to $30 20 years ago if I adjust for inflation. So no matter what I'm getting a sweet deal, right?

I'm down to two different watches, basically deciding on the type of face I want. One is a bright silver face and the other a white face. I waver and waver and finally settle on the white face. I hand over the cash and slip on the watch. No adjustment to the watchband needed as it fits perfectly. It must have been fate.

I am so excited about my watch I flash it around to my wife and friends the rest of the day. I keep telling my wife all day and through the next how stoked I am to have a fake Rolex just like my dad had all those years ago. Honestly, this thing is good looking and I must say I'm good looking wearing it!

Flash forward to Puerto Vallarta (last stop). I don't need to look at watches here because I already have the sweetest watch ever made! We buy some other random trinkets and happily get back on the ship for two more days at sea. As we pull out that night, I wave goodbye to Mexican soil.

That night we go with our friends to a game show-type event on the cruise ship. The entire crowd is split into teams to do whatever is asked. The host asks for a watch. I quickly slip off my watch and toss it down to the front (a couple of rows only and the guy caught it). Another watch was already submitted so he tosses it back up to me. I put it back on, no problem. I check the time and it's 11:15. Wait a minute. . . it feels like it's been 11:15 forever.

Oh. . . S. . . H. . . I . . . T . . . !. . . ! . . . !

(I apologize for the lettering above but surely all who know me know I cussed anyway so I'm just trying to do justice to my feelings at the moment).

The second hand is NOT moving. The watch has stopped. Surely I just haven't been moving my hand around enough for the self-winding mechanism to kick in, right? I shake the stupid thing like crazy and can hear it attempting to wind, but no tick (or roll in the case of this "nice" knockoff Rolex-more on why it's "nice" later).

So I bought the watch in Mazatlan and basically 1 day later the thing breaks. I obviously can't go back so I just have to sit and stew in my misery the next two days at sea. I spend the next two days with the watch constantly trying to wind it, shake, it, do whatever I can think of to get it to work. My wife and my friends just laugh the whole time.

So this past week Rachel is so kind and takes it to the jewelry repair store to get it fixed. The estimate to fix it? $150! $70 for the part and $80 for the labor. . . because it's such a "nice" knockoff it's hard to take it apart and the part that broke is basically the most expensive part of the watch, and obviously the part that makes the watch go. "It's a real shame" the repairman tells my wife, "this is one of the nicest knockoffs I've ever seen." Rachel calls and tells me the bad news. She even tells me I can pay to get it fixed if I really want to but it better get REAL Rolex treatment from that point on. I'm not an idiot, the dream is dead.

$55 down the drain, what a waste. I don't even think the girl that sold me the watch knew it was a lemon, I think I just happened to pick the "one" that was ready to die. Well, at least I keep telling myself that. And by convincing myself of that, I have obviously not learned the lesson of Mexico.

Lamborghini

I have been labeled the "world's cheapest man" who couldn't care less about luxury items or even need items such as clothes, food, etc. :) But even a cheapskate like me can appreciate a Lamborghini. I'm pretty sure EVERYBODY thinks Lamborghini's are freaking awesome; so this past weekend was a pretty fun random experience.

We went to Bear Lake for the weekend for Rachel's family reunion. On the drive home Sunday morning from Bear Lake to Logan is about a 40 mile winding canyon (aka Logan Canyon). It takes about an hour to get through because of the steep grades and turns. Right as I come over the summit from Bear Lake to start heading down the canyon I see coming up the road a freaking Lamborghini! It is hauling up the canyon road with ease and eventually ZOOMS! by me. (Yes, it made that ZOOM! sound as it passed as they all do. My Civic just doesn't do that). Funny thing was, I couldn't even see until it was right upon me but there was a second Lamborghini right behind it! The exact same car! Obviously they were together and must have been headed somewhere. I figured they probably even had the same owner because it's freaking rare to see 1 Lamborghini on a random road in the middle of nowhere, let alone two.

So I was now in a good mood, I just saw an awesome car ZOOM! (yes, once again the ZOOM! factor) by me and ended up getting two for the price of one. Next thing I know I see ANOTHER one coming up the road. What is this? 3 in one day on the same road!?!? Something is up but I am pumped! The weird thing is they were all the exact same car. Clearly different years and different colors, but from what I could see they were the exact same model of Lamborghini.

So I'm five minutes into my drive down the canyon and I've seen 3 Lamborhinis, which is more than I've probably seen live in my lifetime to this point. I get to the next turn and 4 in a row come screaming around the corner. These things are hauling in the opposite direction and I feel like I'm front row to a NASCAR-type race as they zoom by, only it's NASCAR Lamborghini style. It is incredible to see them blow by as they haul up the canyon with ease.

Well suddenly I'm up to 7 and now I'm just expecting it. . . and the goods just kept on coming. Pretty much every turn the whole way down the canyon we saw another, and another, then a couple at a time, then a few at a time. All in all we saw 31 Lamborghini's while in the canyon, and every one of them was probably worth more than my life.

Obviously they were all headed up somewhere together; since they were going the opposite direction and Lamborghini's don't have license plates on the front I didn't see the plates for any of them, but if I had to take a guess I wouldn't have guessed there were even 30 owners of these cars in Utah! Maybe Ferrari, Lotus, Mazerati, etc. all combined, but not the exact same car. Whatever it was, I'm pretty sure I'll never be on a random back road in Utah again and see a few million dollars worth of sweet cars pass me by like that. It made for a good drive home.

The Tipping Point

Yet another awesome book by Malcolm Gladwell! This guy is truly a great writer of today. I'm just upset I hadn't discovered him sooner. The second I finished up this book I started "Blink" so expect that review soon.

Ever wonder how some things blow up huge and others don't? Gladwell compares the spread of something (be it a product, a disease, crime rates, etc.) to a virus spreading. How does it happen? Well the bottom line is word of mouth, with a message that "sticks", through those who are 1) connected and/or 2) in the know. Truly amazing connections that make you think differently about who and what you know.

The biggest lesson I learned from this book is that often it is the little things that matter and can affect change more than the big, looming issues. Frequently we overlook seemingly unimportant, detail issues that in reality can help overhaul the big picture and bring about the positive change you desire. The example from the book was the dramatic drop in crime in New York City during the 90's, which was a result of small changes rather than big ones.

I love these books by Malcolm Gladwell because he does so much research on all of the example stories. I love that all the examples and case studies are true stories so they are relevant to real life. He has a terrific, captivating writing style that not only makes you on one hand want to stop and think deeper about the issue you just read and on the other hand keep reading to see what could come next. Yet another strong recommendation for this book.

Of Dallas and Hotels

While I've been to the DFW airport a number of times, I have never spent any time in Texas other than an airport stop. I'm in Dallas all this week for some work training and I've got to see quite a bit of downtown Dallas.

Texas is hot and humid. I would say it feels like you see a bar on every corner much like you see a church on every block in Utah. A dissapointing note is that the restauarants (mostly sports bars) are pricey and disappointing. The food at the sports bars I ate at was tasty but I still felt it was quite overpriced (and I wasn't eating at elite places). I didn't even end up going to a Mexican restaurant (something I was excited to try) because I heard way too many bad reviews the past few days from those who had (overpriced and not that good). Oh well. Texas does have a lot going for it. The number 1 I would like to say is the presence of Diet Dr. Pepper! Every restaurant I've eaten at has had it in the fountain, and the hotel has it as part of their soda lineup during our training conference here. As Diet Dr. Pepper is my number 1 soda of choice I have to give this a big thumbs up.

Second, I really love the big city feel. I feel like I could easily live in a big city and enjoy it. Probably not ideal for little kids running around but for adults with no children it definitely has upside. This is really the first really big city I've ever spent time in and I really enjoy checking out the different designs of the sky scrapers. There are some really cool buildings down here which is another plus from my point of view. I wish Salt Lake City would add some more tall buildings to their skyline.

So overall I really like the city and have enjoyed Texas. I do have a complaint about the Sheraton I'm staying at down town. Not only the Sheraton, but all big time nice hotels. They suck! The room is not any nicer than what you get at the Fairfield or Holiday Inn and you end up getting a lot less! At a cheaper hotel you get free breakfast, free internet, and a decent lineup of channels on your tv. Everything here at the Sheraton and other high-end hotels is a la carte. No internet, breakfast, even their "gym" is a total joke for a hotel of this size (we were able to get them to give us guest passes to a 24-hr fitness down the street so I'll give them that). But in any case, I realize these huge hotels are needed to handle big conferences like what I'm attending (roughly 300 people for a whole week), but one thing I can say I've learned from all my travel is that for personal travel the only thing you're getting from these big time hotels is a larger bill and not much else. . . and probably less (honestly I'm pretty much getting less than basic cable from a tv that doesn't even work that well). Stay at the Holiday Inn, the Fairfield, The Residence or any other mid-range hotel and you'll get much more for your money.

One last thing about Dallas is I wish Salt Lake had more sports teams. Everybody knows how much I love the Jazz. I can only imagine how great it would be to have an NFL team. The Cowboys are huge down here and it makes me wish we had a pro football team like that. The NFL is truly king as the Mavs, Rangers, and Stars (NHL) are clearly a step down on the priority scale for this city.

CPA! (AKA Most boring post ever)

So today in the mail I finally received the little slip of paper from the state department of occupational licensing that says I am officially a CPA! Pretty exciting for a nerd like myself I know. Most people probably are thinking, "Holy crap! You've been graduated and working in accounting for a year and half now! I thought you were already a CPA! You suck for taking so long!" Well, it actually takes a while including passing all the tests and you have to get a certain amount of work experience before everything is complete. So now it's all complete and basically the big thing I get out of it is to shoulder more blame if something goes wrong with a job I'm working on :).

I can say with full certainty that being a CPA just means you spend your life working. For some reason in college there is this big myth that your job basically entails golfing a ton and wooing clients. I'm pretty sure I golfed a grand total of 3 times last year and I haven't even thought about taking them out of the garage once so far this year. What I DO do without myth is spend 15 hours a day sitting in a chair in some back-corner conference room or cubicle. Combine that with my sweet eating habits (pretty much every meal is take out since we're too busy working) and you have yourself one fat brandon! That should be my new nickname. . . fat brandon! It has a ring to it.

This sounds like a gripe session, but I actually like what I do. Not necesarily how much I do it, but I do learn a lot of interesting things and deal with interesting situations (and people for that matter). I've already been to a ton of different businesses in this state and others and seen various types of business operations that I wouldn't see elsewhere. The sad part is, as I see myself learning more about accounting I also see myself digging deeper and deeper into the "ultra-nerd" pit that I've basically already lived in my whole life. These things that I find interesting put the world to sleep (and certainly my wife :)).

Fat Brandon, CPA. It has a ring to it, right?