Anywhere But The Chest!

I mean, seriously, this is getting a little out of hand, don't you think?

Isn't it supposed to be a chest bump?

Is this what they mean by "Utah Man"? I thought I'd bring it strong to start off rivalry week. Go COUGS!

Jumping Jacks

You know how when you're in little league football and every day at practice you do jumping jacks to warm up? Those who played know what I'm talking about when I say that you can't do jumping jacks and hold in your gas at the same time; you basically rip it every time you split your legs wide for the jack. Well, today I experienced a similar experience at work, speaking of the need to rip it, not speaking of anything related to spreading my legs or doing jumping jacks; that was just a reference.

So I don't really know what came over me or what I was thinking, but I was sitting at work this afternoon and I guess I just decided I either couldn't or wasn't going to hold it in any more. I proceeded to rip a GIGANTIC, loud and proud fart, followed up by a quick toot to polish it off. As soon as I ripped it, I froze, realizing that I was NOT alone nor sitting in the comfort of my home. I was at work, in a business environment, supposedly being professional. My co-worker sitting across the table from me froze as well. He looked up with a stunned face, "Did you just. . . Did you just do that on purpose?!"

What could I say? I hesitated for the briefest of moments before acknowledging my flamboyant rip, "Yes, I did just rip that and I apologize."

He hesitated, "Hmm, So that just happened. Wow." He seemed to shrug it off after that, but I'm pretty sure he will never feel completely comfortable around me again.

I had to get up for a meeting right after that and I couldn't stop laughing. I had to bite my lip so hard it almost bled. The problem isn't that I was laughing, it's that people ask you, "Why are you laughing?" Then what? Tell them you just ripped a giant bomb in the conference room and left your coworker in there to suffer the consequences? No, you're just screwed if you get asked. Luckily, I was successful in avoiding any questions but I did get a couple weird glances as I continued to laugh/bite my lip ferociously.

So what did I learn from this experience? Apparently nothing, as I sit down 30 minutes later after my meeting and immediately proceed to rip an equally high-decible blast. It was like I was sitting on a whoopie cushion, only it wasn't a whoopie cushion and these farts were definitely the funk. My coworker didn't verbally acknowledge the flatulence but I did catch him cocking his head toward the ground in that, "What in the world is he doing!" grimace. I'm sure if not from the sound but from the putridity reaching his nostrils. The answer is, "I don't know"

The Brandon Face

Rachel sent me this picture the other day with the caption, "This is a Brandon face if I've ever seen one!" I put it as the wallpaper on my cellphone and I laugh every time I open my cellphone. Too rich. I couldn't disagree as I know I pull such faces all the time. Such a shame my son has to pick up on some of my more embarrasing traits.

Belated Anniversary

So it was like 2 weeks ago but I've been completely overwhelmed by life so I haven't been able to officially recognize my 1 year anniversary of bloggins! I think it was officially on the 16th of October or around there. As of this posting I have made 63 posts which is good for an average of slightly above 1 post per week. However, I realize that I started off averaging about 1 post every couple days when I first started and I've digressed to about 1 post per month, so I'll have to pick up the pace to keep that average up. It was so simple to post when I started because I worked the graveyard shift every night. Now it's basically impossible to post at work and impossible to post at home (read: Cannon Ball) so while I have no shortage of topics I have experienced a dearth of opportunity.

So what have I learned in one year of blogging? I've learned that I love to write, especially about items that to me are frustrating or annoying. I've also learned that I'm not as prone to write about sports as I thought. I've certainly shared numerous sports posts, but I

(Sidenote: This is why I don't post as often. So this is what has happend during the 3 minutes I've tried to sneak in to actually write some of my thoughts down. Cannon has come in and pounded on the keyboard multiple times-I should have left all the insertions in my post here for proof- and then he dropped the absolute funk in his diaper. I went to change him on our bed-luckily unmade as will soon be relevant- as soon as I pulled his diaper off he pulled some 180 spin move out of my grasp and proceeded to smear poop all over our sheets and one of the pillow cases. So now I'm washing to sheets and the pillow case. I will now proceed to bang my head into the desk. Back to regularly scheduled posting)

originally thought I would breakdown every game of every sport as I am prone to do in conversation. While that has not happened, be on the lookout for a streak of Jazz/BYU posts. I've noticed that my favorite posts generally have to do with writing about my old memories growing up. As I feel this is generally a journal-type thing for me I've been pleasantly surprised at my range of topics covered. I have a stockload of things I want to write about but as noted above I'm struggling to find opportunities to sit down and write. I hope to improve, as with anything else in life. Here's to one year of blogging!