So I wrote a letter to Tim Buckley of the Deseret News a few years ago. . . my buddies reminded me of it last night. I of course still have it saved in my old emails. I want to note to Kevin O'Connor that while I'm a few years older (and much fatter) at this point, the offer still stands:
Mr. Buckley,
I would kindly like to request information on how to submit my name into the NBA Draft. Upon looking at the state of the NBA, I have decided that I am what the NBA and our Utah Jazz needs. I can provide multiple reasons to prove my worthiness for a coveted spot on the Jazz roster next year and beyond. I would like to advise that the Jazz should NOT use their 14th or 16th pick on me, and even might consider trading down from their 21st pick to the 29th. My aim is to replace Karl Malone as the biggest steal in draft history.
Now I’m sure you are certainly questioning my credentials for this position, and I am fully prepared to answer any and all. First allow me to explain the benefits I will provide to this team and this league.
1-Youth.I am aware that I’m not NBA ready yet, but who in this draft is? It’s all a crapshoot. Since none of the players coming out in this draft are expected to perform for 3 years, I would like to have the same opportunity! An article about Dwight Howard on espn.com the other day mentioned that practice ends at noon. Noon! Over three years, I can guarantee I will put in the extra hours necessary to become a top player in the league.
2-Money. Shaq will make $30 million in one year! My entire apartment complex won’t make that amount collectively in their lives. The Jazz will benefit from my extremely low contract demands. I will not use an agent and will play for the absolute league minimum for my first 3 years. It will be a struggle to get by on the 6 figure salary, but I’m sure I can tough it out for 3 years. After I become a star and am ready to adjust my contract, I will still play for an amount that will be ridiculously below my value in order to allow my beloved Jazz to sign other prominent players in the league so that we can collectively compete for a championship.
3-A big draw (in multiple ways). A) I am a homegrown Utah boy! I’ve lived here all of my life (except for the normal 2 year trip away from home that every other boy in Utah takes). I absolutely love Utah and would never leave, so the Jazz will feel complete security with my desires to stay even after I’ve become a star. I will be a fan favorite as well since I’m truly local (unlike adopted Utah son Rafael Araujo). Also, Mr. Miller could make a reality series out of my experience and put it on KJZZ. It will draw monster ratings! B) I will fulfill Larry Bird’s request to have more star white players in the league. Why? Well, because I’m white! C) I am an exciting player. I will be the second coming of Charles Barkley. Not in the “I’m a big jerk who doesn’t practice” type of way, but in the “I am a very fan interactive player” type of way. One who will be willing to stick around to sign autographs and give plenty of time to the media (you specifically Mr. Buckley). In fact, I already have a cool nickname, “The Balltrain.” I’ve had it for years. Just imagine Hot Rod on the broadcast, “The Balltrain hipity-hops left, drives in baseline side, pulls up for the leap ‘n leaner…good! The Balltrain hits again.” D)Last but not least, I’m a family man. I’m already married (like all other 22 year old boys in Utah) so Jerry, Larry, and Kevin won’t have to worry about me out partying all night.
4-Work Ethic. Brad Rock recently said Karl Malone’s work ethic was questioned when drafted. Can anyone question mine? Given time (read 3 years) I will truly become a productive NBA player.
Please advise Mr. O’Connor of my intention. He can contact me anytime by email: balltrain@hotmail.com. Or by phone (I’m in the book.) Thank you for your consideration. Brandon Ball
Honestly, just rereading that I realized we used the 14th pick on Kris Humphries (barely still in the NBA and definitely a waste for the Jazz), the 16th pick on Kirk Snyder (a HUGE waste for the Jazz and is now in prison) and the 21st pick on Pavel Podkolzine who they immediately traded to the Mavs and who never played in the NBA (he was like 7'6" but I watched him in summer league that year and he was arguably the most uncoordinated person I've ever seen). You can't tell me a certain Balltrain wouldn't have panned out at least on par with these guys? Just food for thought when the draft comes up this year!
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Saturday, February 6, 2010
Now THAT is cool!
What is the coolest thing you've ever done in your life? Not something that is necessarily imperative to life fulfillment (such as getting married, kids, college, etc.) but just flat-out "I did that!" A couple weeks ago at a client a I was talking to a guy who told me back in November he ran a marathon in Greece. I thought to myself, "That is cool! He will remember that for the rest of his life that he did that!" So obviously I started thinking about my own list of cool things and have had occasion to ask other people the same thing. Every time I think about it I have different reactions: sometimes I think I'm a huge loser who hasn't done anything cool in my life and other times I'm energized by the thought that I should DO something cool. Again, this doesn't necessarily have to do with life-fulfillment or anything, just "That is cool!" Here's my list at this point in life, maybe you can understand what's going through my head as I think about my list:
1) I have climbed a mountain. Miners Peak above our cabin. I've actually climbed it 2 or 3 times, the first time with my father and uncle Spencer when I was 9/10 age and I can specifically remember a death-defying experience as we scaled the east ridge. The other times were just up the semi-trail on the north face. Why is this #1? Well, I think it is pretty cool to be able to say "I have stood on top of a mountain". Whenever you're up high like that you can remember the view, and I will always remember what it looks like to stand on top of that mountain. I obviously hope to climb it again with Cannon someday. The downer of this being #1? This was 18 years ago at least! The coolest thing I've done in my life happened when I was 10? I need to find something to do with my life!
2) Rode Ziplines in the jungle of Mexico. I'm hesitant to write vacation adventures as I know Rachel will harp on me "That's why we need to go on vacation!" But this was pretty cool. Extra points for the fact it happened recently and not when I was 10. Cruising through the jungle high in the trees was pretty awesome. If you ever go on a cruise or vacation to Mexico and have the opportunity to do this, it is 100% worth it.
3) Lived in Puerto Rico. Spending an abbreviated summer in Puerto Rico selling security systems was pretty awesome. Enhanced by the fact that I was with a group of my friends, it still stands out just to say I spent some time there. I DO note that getting robbed at gunpoint totally sucked and if I had gone somewhere like Philadelphia to sell systems it would probably rank high on the "Suckiest things I've ever done" list, so the fact that I was in the PR seeing the beach every day made it quite the cool experience. I'm also sure my sweet wife would call it "Dumbest thing you've ever done" :).
4) Went front-row to Britney Spears for free! 2000 "Oops. . . I did it again!" Tour in August ( I actually think it was on my mom's birthday August 18th but not sure). Those that know me know I LOVE Britney Spears especially in my teenage days (My mom even allowed a sweet, extremely modest by Britney today standards, poster in my room!). Anyway, we head downtown just because we had nothing better to do, my buddies start flirting with a roadie and she ends up giving us VIP passes! Awesome. I note I didn't do anything to help the flirting along as in this particular scenario I had been to Lake Powell with the Hulls the week before and slammed my face on a rock and had totally jacked up my face so I was nothing to look at (and that trend continues. . . ).
5) I have hit a grand-slam! This actually might rank a little higher than 5th but I'll leave it here for now. Also from the early youth: I'm 12 years old and it's my last year in the Sandy league as we have already moved out to South Jordan. As far as baseball goes, I couldn't throw worth a crap but I was a pretty good hitter. I was on the Sandy All-Star team and we were playing out in West Jordan against West Jordan. I had been removed as the cleanup hitter the game before for the coach's son (Mitch Easton or Jackson Cannon. I can't remember who but they were both losers. Needless to say we didn't get along). Anyway, the dude sucked in his game at cleanup so I was put back in as the cleanup hitter. 1st inning, all first 3 hitters get on base. I head up to the plate and the Mitch/Jackson combo start yapping about how I'm going to suck it up (I'm their freaking teammate for crying out loud!) How do I respond? I stroke a sweet line-drive homerun that was still climbing as it got to the fence and nailed the side of a car after it came down. BOOM! Grand Slam! A lot of other stuff happened in this game and I even hit a second home run. . . but we lost the freaking game. I'm sure it was something to do with Mitch Easton and Jackson Cannon :). Oh well, it is definitely pretty cool to be able to say that I've hit a Grand Slam.
Not sure if anything on that list is "Ran a Marathon in Greece" cool but I'm building! I do have a life-goal to run a marathon someday, maybe it could crack my top 5.
1) I have climbed a mountain. Miners Peak above our cabin. I've actually climbed it 2 or 3 times, the first time with my father and uncle Spencer when I was 9/10 age and I can specifically remember a death-defying experience as we scaled the east ridge. The other times were just up the semi-trail on the north face. Why is this #1? Well, I think it is pretty cool to be able to say "I have stood on top of a mountain". Whenever you're up high like that you can remember the view, and I will always remember what it looks like to stand on top of that mountain. I obviously hope to climb it again with Cannon someday. The downer of this being #1? This was 18 years ago at least! The coolest thing I've done in my life happened when I was 10? I need to find something to do with my life!
2) Rode Ziplines in the jungle of Mexico. I'm hesitant to write vacation adventures as I know Rachel will harp on me "That's why we need to go on vacation!" But this was pretty cool. Extra points for the fact it happened recently and not when I was 10. Cruising through the jungle high in the trees was pretty awesome. If you ever go on a cruise or vacation to Mexico and have the opportunity to do this, it is 100% worth it.
3) Lived in Puerto Rico. Spending an abbreviated summer in Puerto Rico selling security systems was pretty awesome. Enhanced by the fact that I was with a group of my friends, it still stands out just to say I spent some time there. I DO note that getting robbed at gunpoint totally sucked and if I had gone somewhere like Philadelphia to sell systems it would probably rank high on the "Suckiest things I've ever done" list, so the fact that I was in the PR seeing the beach every day made it quite the cool experience. I'm also sure my sweet wife would call it "Dumbest thing you've ever done" :).
4) Went front-row to Britney Spears for free! 2000 "Oops. . . I did it again!" Tour in August ( I actually think it was on my mom's birthday August 18th but not sure). Those that know me know I LOVE Britney Spears especially in my teenage days (My mom even allowed a sweet, extremely modest by Britney today standards, poster in my room!). Anyway, we head downtown just because we had nothing better to do, my buddies start flirting with a roadie and she ends up giving us VIP passes! Awesome. I note I didn't do anything to help the flirting along as in this particular scenario I had been to Lake Powell with the Hulls the week before and slammed my face on a rock and had totally jacked up my face so I was nothing to look at (and that trend continues. . . ).
5) I have hit a grand-slam! This actually might rank a little higher than 5th but I'll leave it here for now. Also from the early youth: I'm 12 years old and it's my last year in the Sandy league as we have already moved out to South Jordan. As far as baseball goes, I couldn't throw worth a crap but I was a pretty good hitter. I was on the Sandy All-Star team and we were playing out in West Jordan against West Jordan. I had been removed as the cleanup hitter the game before for the coach's son (Mitch Easton or Jackson Cannon. I can't remember who but they were both losers. Needless to say we didn't get along). Anyway, the dude sucked in his game at cleanup so I was put back in as the cleanup hitter. 1st inning, all first 3 hitters get on base. I head up to the plate and the Mitch/Jackson combo start yapping about how I'm going to suck it up (I'm their freaking teammate for crying out loud!) How do I respond? I stroke a sweet line-drive homerun that was still climbing as it got to the fence and nailed the side of a car after it came down. BOOM! Grand Slam! A lot of other stuff happened in this game and I even hit a second home run. . . but we lost the freaking game. I'm sure it was something to do with Mitch Easton and Jackson Cannon :). Oh well, it is definitely pretty cool to be able to say that I've hit a Grand Slam.
Not sure if anything on that list is "Ran a Marathon in Greece" cool but I'm building! I do have a life-goal to run a marathon someday, maybe it could crack my top 5.
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