My Anti-Healthy Life

So Rachel and I are in this family (Rachel's family) competition to "live healthy" (read: lose weight). We are on a point system so you get points for doing good things (i.e. exercising, drinking water) and avoiding bad things (soda, treats, etc.). I usually start the week off strong and end pretty weak. Last night I took Rachel to a romantic dinner at one of the high-class restaurants in town: Sizzler. OK arguably not high-class at all but we both love Sizzler. After pounding two baskets of cheese toast, my steak, potato, and second round of all-you-can-eat shrimp, I tell Rachel, "I could easily put away at least another two plates of shrimp, but I'll make the good decision and quit while I'm only "full" instead of "bloated". She told me she was proud of me for making the right decision.

So we get in the car and I proceed to tell her about my other "right" decisions this week:

Monday- The Manager of my current job arrives with a giant box of sugar cookies. Lots of little ones instead of giant ones. Who am I to refuse free cookies? She's from out of town and asks how they compare overall to other sugar cookies. I tell her, "Well, they're not Lofthouse level, and they're not as good as my wife's sugar cookies, but they still taste really good." I proceed to call Rachel and request that she make home-made sugar cookies for Tuesday. I get home from work and the miracle itself occurred: Rachel did in fact make me a giant batch of sugar cookies. I ate around 10 of them that night. I pass on dinner to offset the 5,000 calories worth of cookies I have eaten that day.

Tuesday- I take a giant tupperware of Rachel's cookies to work. We eat them throughout the day. I might add that our audit "war room" has lots of other snacks: jelly belly's, swedish fish, fruit snacks. All of those are of course consumed throughout the day as well. I'm staying late that night and I know I want a quality dinner. I strongly suggest "The Pie". I'm one of the lowest ranking employees on the audit team but I have strong influence when it comes to food: as all know I have excellent restaurant knowledge. We get two specialty pizzas and some cheese pull-aparts delivered and I eat plenty of it. Yum.

Wednesday- (Breakfast): I get to work and a coworker tells me that the manager was planning on bringing bagles. I had already eaten breakfast, but who am I to deny an Einstein? She calls on the way in to see if we even still want them. I convince her we do, and convince her we need some "honey-almond" smear to go with them. Delicious.

(Lunch):On Monday I had called Rachel and told her I wanted Apollo Burger for dinner. It didn't work out, but I hadn't forgotten about it by Wednesday. It just so happens it is my turn to pick where we eat for lunch for out audit team. I pick Crown Burger. I get a Crown Burger combo (can you beat a pastrami burger? I think not). I'm not drinking soda (one of the few positives of this "healthy living competition" that I'm actually doing good at) so of course I substitue my soda for a chocolate shake instead (much healthier than soda!). They give me a medium instead of my intended-small. I oblige and eat the whole thing.

(Sidenote: Wednesday night is usually my basketball night; my one night a week of super-extended exercise. We call off ball this week because of the Jazz/Lakers game. Worth it as the Jazz win in a tight contest.)

Thursday- We get Gandolfo's for lunch. I order the foot-long Urban Cowboy. Chicken, Turkey, Bacon (ALWAYS bacon), piled high. The kid who picked up the order decided to get cookies for everybody too. I can't let him down. I put it all away with a bag of sunchips (gotta think healthy when thinking chips, right?). That afternoon Julie, a girl from the audit team, bursts in the room with her hands full of giant sugar cookies. "The guy around the corner had two huge boxes of them and told me to take some!" Awesome. The same size as the pink Granny-B cookies but not the same brand. The Manager called them "pizza-slice" cookies. I eat the cookie. I tastes like pure sugar, like it didn't get blended into the frosting well enough.

Friday-(The Ripper): I stop at the gas station in the morning to buy my coworker a cherry coke-zero (his birthday is this weekend). I decide to go for a triangle donut for breakfast. Too delicious to pass up and since I've been off soda I haven't really been in a gas station for over a month. I get to work and remember that our office has breakfast on Friday mornings. Today's selection: McDonalds sausage mcmuffins. If you know me, you know I am incapable of denying my beloved McDonalds. I enjoy a sweet sausage McMuffin (even though I always order Bacon :)).

It's my coworker's birthday the next day and it's valentines day. Our manager brings in a box of Branbury Court (Notice: Some of the best I've ever had) heart-shaped donuts. What am I to do? I've already had a donut and a mcmuffin this morning. I can't possibly put this down. In actuality, I put it down pretty easily. Extremely tasty.

Around 10 am and for the second time this week, Julie bursts into the room with treats: little boxes of See's chocolates. "Happy Valentines from Zions Securities Corporation!" She stumbled on them again and brings them all into us. I rip open the package and put away half the chocolate before I wonder aloud, "Dang! I should've just torn off the little sticker and given these to my wife for Valentine's Day!" All other decide to do that. I don't lament too long as I know Rachel would've seen through that ploy anyways. I eat the rest of the chocolates.

I go pick up Navoo Cafe for lunch. I have a Turkey and you-know-what sandwich. Not the worst thing ever to eat. I actually have some lettuce on it.

It's about 3 pm and I'm starting to think ahead to the night's grand finale at Sizzler. I walk into the breakroom with the out-of-town-manager to fill up my water bottle and it strikes again. The room is decorated for somebody's birthday (not my coworker's) and the party is clearly over. Left sitting on the tables are huge trays of Lofthouse sugar cookies. The manager asks me, "Those cookies look good. Are they good?" I respond, "These are the Lofthouse sugar cookies I was telling you about; the best sugar cookie you will ever eat." She picks one up, eats it, and promptly agrees. I load up a plate to take back to our audit room for the rest of the team. The way the week has went, you can imagine as I burst into the room with a plate full of cookies and yell, "Booooooooom!" "Boom! Boom! Boom!" We all dive in and have ourselves a nice cookie. It's Friday, right?

Rachel is proud of me for passing on a 3rd plate of shrimp. As we walk out of Sizzler to the car I relate my week to her, and she stares back horrified at my decisions for the week. I realize what a week it's been. Instead of turning my planned left I turn right toward the gas station and head in for a soda. A week like this deserves a proper cap.